You're So College.

 Going away to college has taken on a certain mystique in the past few years. The reason it is so attractive is because of the independence, free time, new people, and it is a new start. All of these are good things, but the whole "being college" epidemic that has grasped most of kids my age is awful. Is college a lot of fun? Yes. Is it utter crazy-debauchery 24/7? Not if you want to last more than one semester. There is plenty of fun to be had at college without being the next Van Wilder.   To those who go to school now, you can point out the kids who think they are living the dream. To those who haven't gone away to school yet, here is how to pick out the typical college tool.

Step 1: Look for a "rare and vintage" fitted cap- Over the past two years you have seen these hats pop up more and more at your local mall and bars. For example, if you are a Long Islander like me and see a Minnesota Timberwolves fitted, you are probably staring at one of these species of kids.
Step 1B: If they are wearing a fitted, look down. You will see the matching Nike Air Maxes. 

Step 2: Look for a polo shirt or a button down that is tucked in at one random part of the belt line and then not again. Hot spots for tucking in the shirt would be the front or adjacent to the front. 

Step 3: Are they wearing semi-high socks?? Of course they are! Nothing screams I am a huge tool more than socks that go right up to the shin.

Step 4: Peep the hairstyle. Do they have really long, unkempt hair? Is the hair in the back, long with some nice "flow" to blow out from under their lacrosse helmet? If their hairstyle matches these descriptions, then by golly we have found one!

Step 5: If you are in an outdoor drinking atmosphere: Are they wearing a throwback NBA jersey? Are they wearing a lacrosse pinny? Yes they are. Because they are too cool to wear sleeves! 

Step 6: Check their iTunes. I bet they will have an incomplete, maybe even scant collection of songs from "cool bands and musicians to listen to when your a college kid" like: Wyclef, Lupe Fiasco, Mos Def, State Radio, Asher Roth, MGMT, Bon Iver, Dr. Dre, Kid Cudi, Immortal Technique, Dialated Peoples, Bob Marley, Dave Matthews Band, John Legend, Jay-Z, or any self-aware-Obama-loving hip-hop artist?

Step 7: Do they claim that college is the best thing ever and they don't ever wanna graduate? While college is tons of fun, it is not the best thing ever. It doesn't come close to dogs, hockey, grilled cheeses, or the theme song for "Cheers". These kids will keep you up late telling stories of their conquests, their beer pong expertise, all the girls, all the beer, all the blacking out, and of course all the never going to class. Also, when these kids come home from breaks, all they do is talk about how much they want to go back to school. 

Step 8: Look at their Facebook profile picture. If it is of them during one of their great college moments, then they are infected.

Step 9: Do they have a sudden interest in soccer? The key to being "college" is being a little different from your eerily similar friends at home. For instance: they all dress the same, but they go above and beyond to have the nicest aforementioned fitted hat. Soccer is like a metaphor for the hat. These kids think that if they claim to like soccer then, they are worldly and different from the rest of their friends. 

 If you or anyone you know suffer from this disease, please hand them their life back. They can never be as lame as they are when they are suffering from this disease. It is taking Long Island faster than the Guido infestation of 2006.

Bonnadrew.

 About a week ago the annual music festival, Bonnaroo, was held in Manchester, Tennessee. It is considered by some to be the Mecca for the modern hippie and indie music lover.  It is a huge gathering of musicians, other artists, and their fans over 4 days. People flock from all over the world and converge on this huge field and camp out for the duration of the festival. It has grown and grown over the past years into one of the biggest musical festivals in the world. It even caught the eye of Ms. Drew Barrymore and her current beau Justin Long. My issue is not that they went to the festival, but I do question their intentions, especially Ms. Barrymore. The picture to the left was taken of the couple listening to indie band Bon Iver. While Bon Iver were not the headliners (Bruce Springsteen & Phish were), they are a very popular band within Indie ciricles.  I would love to dissect this picture with you guys. We will start with Mr. Long. Notice the simple attire. A plaid button down shirt with a white v-neck t-shirt. It is a pretty basic, simple outfit. He would fit in well with the hippies who attended Bonnaroo with those clothes. He does however show that he is a tool with his double-dosage of sunglasses. First the pair that he is not wearing. They look like Ray-Ban Wayfarer's to me. A lot of people who go to something like Bonnaroo would have a pair of Wayfarer's. But they would be on their face. The other pair of sunglasses, look like aviators, I can only assume they also cost a pretty penny. This is a place where materialism and status don't mean anything and Mr. Long's sunglasses have more status than 80% of the people who went to the festival. I do think Justin Long is a little more sincere than Drew Barrymore in his attendance. Simply because he did not try as hard to be "indie" as Drew did. So now let us move on to Ms. Barrymore. What a train wreck this is. We'll start with the cliche peace sign she is throwing up. Bonnaroo is a peaceful place. People are supposed to put everything aside and just enjoy the wealth of great music and fine art that has converged on this field. I am pretty sure Ms. Barrymore tossed up the peace sign just to show, I am here at Bonnaroo because I want it to be known I believe peace is good, as you can tell by this peace sign I am throwing up for this "random" photo op. Lets move on. The feather. Oh my. Are you kidding me Drew? You were in Charlie's Angels. You are not a fucking hippie. You are not "indie". You are a celebrity with more money than I could ever imagine. You wouldn't be caught dead dressed like that in LA. Yet, when you are at Bonnaroo, the real Drew comes out. The face paint is the kicker. Just incase you couldn't tell how "indie" Drew Barrymore is, she painted her face to really show how "out there" she is. Right now the cool thing for celebrities to be is self-aware. You can see by all the celebrities showing they care for the environment, adopting kids, or campaigning for politicians. Now, I am not a hippie, I am not "indie", I am me. Which is why I have an issue with this picture. I don't need to go to Bonnaroo to show how cool I am. I have never been there. I listen to 90s boy bands. I have never read a David Eggers novel. It is not that I am upset that Drew Barrymore was at Bonnaroo and I wasn't. No, its that Drew Barrymore didn't go. This pseudo-Drew Barrymore went. Would I have liked to have gone? Yes. It had some brilliant music and is supposed to be quite the experience. Would I have bought new clothes to fit in there? No. I would have gone as me, along with the thousands of other people who went as themselves. Drew Barrymore put on her best Joan Baez impression to show people that she is a scenester at heart. Miss Barrymore, Bonnaroo is a simple concept. You go to Tennessee as yourself to leave the real world for 4 days, listen to music, have a good time, and experience something like nothing else. And somehow Drew, you managed to miss the point of the festival.

Guest Blogger: Cody Alt

 Cody Alt is a friend of mine whom I met freshman year in high school. He and I share eerily similar interests. From movies to soccer we like it all. He has lent this blog his pen to write a review on the movie "The Hangover."

The movie entitled “The Hangover” was pitched to moviegoers as a comedy.  The movie was funny up until our four main characters take that first shot of Jagermeister spiked with Rohypnol which served as a proverbial slingshot into one of the most infamous blackouts in movie history. This is when the movie, in my eyes, turned into a Tragedy/Horror/Suspense/Docu-Drama.  Yes, sure, all these fourty-somethings and fifty-somethings thought it was hysterical of this idea of blacking out so bad that you make possibly life running mistakes. The reason they thought it was funny because this idea is so far-fetched to them. Just as I thought Forgetting Sarah Marshall was funny, it would never happen to me. I inherently do not trust women and would not be surprised if some whore I was going out with started fucking another dude, which is why I usually beat them to the punch.  However, The Hangover just hit too close to home as an all-to-possible future.

Furthermore, if I were to be one of those fifty-somethings I would have this problem with the movie. This was an ensemble comedy, except the only funny person was Zach Galifianakis. He carried this ensemble by himself. And the problem was the director, writer and producer knew it, and focused the movie on one of the side characters. Yeah, Bradley Cooper had his moments, like the casino scene flipping off the cameras, and the. But Ed Helms from The Office was a no-show, and was just an annoying character. The cast was the minor league to Judd Apatow’s cast of major leagues. Maybe Gilifianakis gets the call, he deserves it.

Old People and Unemployment

 First, as I've said before, I love old people. I think they are portals to the past. Each person who has been around this world for 60 plus years has stories and then some to add to one's everyday life. That is why I wonder why more old people don't get kidnapped. I would love to chase down some old lady in a motorized scooter and take her home to tell me stories. One thing that always gets me about the elderly though is when they talk amongst themselves. I was exposed to the elderly a few weeks ago after my great aunt passed away. At the table with the elderly I kept hearing one question that got me every time, "Oh! I haven't seen him/her in so long, is he/she still around?" Getting old is tough, and I think that question epitomizes why it is so tough. It isn't 'How is Hank Clark doing?' Instead it is, 'Has Hank kicked the bucket yet?' 

 I have been recessioned. I am still unemployed despite applying at over fifty businesses. The thing is I love being unemployed just as much as I hate not having any money. I love sleeping in and knowing that I have absolutely nothing to do with my day. It means there is a lot of time to pal around with my dog, watch the food network, and have play dates. It is tough to be motivated to get a job when I haven't had to do any real work since august. But, I can't live like this forever. Or can I? This is where I ask you to participate. I am currently accepting donations of any amount to the Help Michael Not Have to Work this Summer Yet, Still Have Enough Money TO Thoroughly Enjoy His Sophomore Year of College And Maybe Even Have Some Money Left Over to Put Towards His Dream of Going to World Cup 2010 In South Africa Fund. If you are interested in donating e-mail me at leboffm@sacredheart.edu

thanks.