Countdown 13 Days.

Many of you may have heard already but, for those who haven't here is the official blog post.

I will be performing Stand Up Comedy on Monday April 6th, at 9:30 PM, at Caroline's On Broadway in Times Square, New York City. To go to the show all you have to do is call (212) 757-4100. You give them the date and time and say you are going to see me. The cost is five dollars. 

For those of you who do not go:

e-mail me a 3,000 word disposition on why you didn't go and buy me a watch.

Here is the address:

Caroline's On Broadway

1626 Broadway, New York 10019

McDonald's Bag Check/Waking Up.

 Did you ever notice that when you go to McDonald's and elect to use the drive-thru the experience does not end with receiving your meal. Everybody does the bag check after they get their food. You know how it goes, you get your food and automatically assume the employees (documented or undocumented) got your order wrong. You rummage through the bag like a wild banshee. And God help the poor person in the window if they messed up. "I ordered medium fries!!!! There are no fries in here!" Poor souls.

 

 Since going to college something has happened to me on more than one occasion. I have fallen asleep in my bed after a night of socialization and drinking. And woken up with a random object in it. And when I say fall asleep, I mean it. I am not saying I passed out. The first time it happened, I woke up and there was a notebook in my bed. Nothing to write home about. The second time was a little odd. I woke up with my friends sweater in my bed. He and I both wonder how it got there. The third time was the freakiest instance. I went to bed and woke up with a single quarter in my bed with me. My first reaction was to check to make sure I didn't lose a tooth. When I felt all my chompers, I started to dwell on it. Who thought I was sleeping so well that I deserved a 25 cent tip? Who knows? All I know is if the tooth fairy is up to her shenanigans again, I am about to cap that trifling bitch.

Hoping For A Snow Day.

 Here I am, 18 years old, in college and doing the same thing I did from 3rd grade 'til senior year of high school. Waiting to hear if school is cancelled due to snow. However, tonight is a lot less hetero than any of those nights in my past. It is me and six other guys in my room watching the Lion King. Everyone is also snacking. And here is where it gets a lot less hetero, the snack of choice was crackers with port wine cheese. Disclaimer: I am straight. Instead of liveblogging this one, I'll just post random thoughts 

 Rafiki may be the best character of any animated movie of all time. His main scene in the film is when he helps Simba realize who he really is and to not live in the past. His silly, yet thought provoking statements are life lessons. What an incredible character. 

 One of the kids in the room, Andrew, is belly laughing at Pumbaa's lines. Did I mention we go to college?

 If I had to pick the scariest Disney Villains the rankings would be:

1. Ursula-Little Mermaid
2. Jafar- Aladdin
3. Scar- Lion King
4. Miley Cyrus

 I wish animals really were anthropomorphic. (For all of you not on my vocabulary level, look it up.) 

 I just belly laughed when Pumbaa had his little Mr. Pig soliloquy. Did I mention I go to college?

 It is snowing very hard outside, yet no word on the snow day status. Maybe that is because most normal human beings sleep.

 Parents in Disney movies do not stand a chance. I think Walt had something against his parents or something. So many Disney fathers and mothers bite the dust in movies, or are bad parents. 

 Simba is about to take his rightful spot atop Pride Rock.

 I had to try really hard to hide my goosebumps when Simba made it to the top of Pride Rock.

 Its 3 AM and we are all up just talking about if there will be a snow day or not. We are adorable. 

 There are people smoking outside in the courtyard. If you need a cigarette that bad that you need to go smoke at 3:10 AM in a snowstorm, you need to re-evaluate your life quickly.